Sunday, November 14, 2004

Dinner on Sunday

Oh I know you wanna know what I'm having for dinner Sunday. You been wanting to ask me all damn day. I know what I'm gonna have for dinner on Sunday already, and I know it's good 'cause I ate it Thursday night and it was great then. Guess what it is. It's meatloaf. I made it, I eat it. Thank you for not wagering.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

701 lb. boyfriend

Seven Hundred Pound Boyfriend.
Just so big. Big as a house of fun. Bad as a house of wax. Built like a wax funhouse.
700 lb. boyfriend.
I met him. I weighed him in. I waxed him down. Built like a fox henhouse.
7 hundred £ boy friend.
It's ©. It's ®. ¿It's not? I hope we can still be þ ç ô, ø. I won't wax him down again.
Seven hundred pound boyfriend.
Not 600. Not five hundred. Way more than 4 hundred. Watch out for that tree!
700 lb. boyfriend.
Ask for it by name. Ask for it by color. Ask for it by cycle. Ask for anything else.
Seven hundred pounds of boyfriend.
Can you handle it? I can't handle it. I want to go now. I need something to eat.

Thursday, November 04, 2004


Get 'em while they last. A dime a dozen.
You gotta have 'em. You're gonna love 'em.
Where'd my money go? Who's got my lighter?
I pick them up. I put them down.
Too many, so many, how many, Jesus Mary, take some away.
So alone, not alone, never alone, there's bone to stone, let's fly away.
Ten penny, seven penny, three penny, Henny Penny,
Robbing and catching, that's the Navy way.
I wanna just eat them. Aren't they so cute?
Watch this footage. You can see the knife go in.
Talentless weasels. They waste my time.
They waste your time. They waste everyone's time.
I don't want any, couldn't care less any, sure wouldn't bother any,

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Electional Disfunction

Two things.
One - Yesterday I was napping at 4:30 PM when the phone woke me up. I answered it, waited for a reply, said "Hello" again, then hung up and fell back asleep. It rang again, I answered it, no reply, I said "Hello" again, and then a distant female voice said "Hello, I'm Somename from the Maryland Republican Party and..." and I snapped out of my dream state, thought it was a recording (you have to understand that when I get junk phone calls I yell at them, even when they are a recording) and I yelled "You fucking cunt!" The voice stopped, so I continued "You woke me up! Go away and die!", and I hung up, then I realized just what I had done. I probably ruined a few moments for some Republican biddy. Heh heh heh. I imagined her red face and starchy complexion. Heh heh heh. I mean, after all, THEY'RE RUINING TONIGHT, RUINING THE COUNTRY, RUINING MY LIFE. I am SO glad I was able to bring a moment of fresh CUNT to a Republican. Heh heh heh.
Two - FUCK YOU OHIO! At last check ABC was giving Ohio to Bush, which means it's a fucking wrap and now the real hate can begin. Oh Jesus Oh Fuck Oh Hell. This is NOT GOOD. Even my buddy Matt Clark came in third of three in his attempt to win a City Council seat. I was all proud that I registered and voted and now I feel RAPED. Once again my vote meant nothing. Once I again I voted for the lesser of two evils. Once again every single vote I cast was for a LOSER. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I fell for it. Never again. I bet I get my jury duty summons in the mail tomorrow. Asshole. Dick. Douchebag. I should have known better.
Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and... nah, never happen. End of the world, here we come!